168 Best Roasts to Say to Your Friends for a Good Laugh
Laughter is one of the best ways to bond with friends, and nothing brings out the giggles quite like a good-natured roast. Finding the right roasts to say to your friends can make your hangouts even more fun and memorable.
Whether you’re looking to tease a tall friend or just want a quick one-liner to lighten the mood, having a few clever roasts up your sleeve can come in handy. In this article, we’ll share ten hilarious and friendly roasts that are sure to make your friends laugh and keep the atmosphere light-hearted.
Good Roasts to Say to Your Friends
Good roasts are those that everyone can laugh at and appreciate. They strike the right balance between being funny and not too harsh, ensuring that your friends feel included and amused. These roasts can be about various topics and are great for any friendly gathering or casual meetup.
1. You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
2. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
3. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
4. “You have the perfect face for radio.”
5. “If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be broke.”
6. “You’re proof that even the worst can be a success story.”
7. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
8. “You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
9. “I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you.”
10. “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.”
11. “You’re not completely useless; you can always serve as a bad example.”
12. “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.”
13. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you merely gargled.”
14. “If you were any more average, you’d be a statistic.”
15. “You’re like a software update. Whenever I see you, I think, ‘Not now.’”
16. “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.”
17. “I’d call you a tool, but that would be an insult to useful things.”
18. “Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.”
19. “Your brain is like a web browser with 100 tabs open, 99 are frozen, and you don’t know where the music is coming from.”
20. “You’re the kind of person who climbs a glass wall to see what’s on the other side.”
21. “You’re so full of it, the toilet’s jealous.”
22. “I’m not saying you’re dumb, but you definitely don’t light up a room when you enter it.”
23. “Your sense of humor is like a dead battery – it needs to be recharged.”
24. “I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my own.”
25. “You have a great sense of humor. Have you ever thought about using it?”
Funny Roasts to Say to Your Friends
Funny roasts are perfect for making your friends laugh while keeping the mood light and enjoyable. These roasts use humor and wit to playfully tease your friends without crossing any lines. They are ideal for gatherings, parties, or any time you want to share a good laugh with your buddies.
1. “You’re like a software update: whenever you show up, I think, ‘Not now.'”
2. “I’m not saying you’re clumsy, but you could trip over a wireless network.”
3. “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
4. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
5. “You’re proof that even garbage can be recycled.”
6. “You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.”
7. “You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.”
8. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
9. “I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
10. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
11. “You’re like a traffic light—nobody pays attention to you unless they’re bored.”
12. “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
13. “You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.”
14. “You’re as useless as the ‘g’ in lasagna.”
15. “You’re not ugly, but you’re a solid 10… on the Richter scale.”
16. “If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?”
17. “You’re like a candle in the wind—utterly useless when things get heated.”
18. “You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.”
19. “I’d roast you, but my mom said not to burn trash.”
20. “If you were any more of a mess, you’d be a Picasso.”
21. “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
22. “You’re the reason we have middle fingers.”
23. “If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
24. “You’re the human equivalent of a participation trophy.”
25. “I’m not saying you’re lazy, but sloths have nothing on you.”
26. “You’re the kind of friend who makes me wish I was an only child.”
27. “You’re so weird, even your shadow leaves you at night.”
28. “I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it.”
29. “You’re so full of hot air, I’m surprised you haven’t floated away yet.”
30. “You’re like a dictionary—you add meaning to my life… mostly the definition of ‘annoying.'”
31. “You’re the reason evolution is going in reverse.”
32. “You have the face for radio and the voice for silent movies.”
Short Roasts to Say to Your Friends
Short roasts are quick, snappy, and get straight to the point. These one-liners are easy to remember and perfect for delivering a punch of humor in any situation. Use these short roasts to add a touch of fun to your conversations without dragging things out.
1. “Nice outfit. Did a clown explode?”
2. “Did your brain take a sick day?”
3. “You’re like a software update: nobody wants you, but we all need you.”
4. “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
5. “You’re living proof that even evolution can have a bad day.”
6. “You must have been born on a highway, because that’s where most accidents happen.”
7. “You’re about as useful as a waterproof towel.”
8. “Your face makes onions cry.”
9. “You’re the reason even the aliens don’t visit us.”
10. “You’re like a speed bump—always in the way.”
11. “If stupidity was a superpower, you’d be a superhero.”
12. “Your only chance of getting laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.”
13. “You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo bottles.”
14. “I’d roast you, but my toaster has a higher IQ.”
15. “You’re like a penny—two-faced and not worth much.”
16. “You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the Wi-Fi zone.”
17. “You’re the human version of a participation award.”
18. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my patience at home.”
19. “You’re like a software bug—annoying and hard to get rid of.”
20. “Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”
21. “You’re like a traffic light that’s always stuck on red.”
22. “I’d agree with you, but I like being right.”
23. “You’re the reason horoscopes warn about bad luck.”
Roasts to Say to Your Tall Friends
Roasting a tall friend can be a fun way to celebrate their height and bring some humor into the mix. These roasts focus on their tall stature, using clever comparisons and jokes that highlight their unique trait. Just remember to keep it light-hearted and ensure your friend enjoys the fun as much as you do.
1. “How’s the weather up there, giant?”
2. “Do you need a map to find your way down here?”
3. “If you get any taller, we’re going to need walkie-talkies to communicate.”
4. “You’re so tall, you probably have to duck to avoid airplanes.”
5. “Do you get a nosebleed from being that high up?”
6. “I bet you can see into next week from up there.”
7. “You must have been fed Miracle-Gro as a kid.”
8. “You’re so tall, your selfies must look like drone shots.”
9. “Do you play basketball or just intimidate everyone from above?”
10. “If you get any taller, you’ll need your own zip code.”
11. “You’re the only person I know who can touch the ceiling without jumping.”
12. “I think you might be part giraffe.”
13. “Your feet must be jealous of the view your head gets.”
14. “You must have been born on a ladder.”
15. “You’re so tall, you make the Eiffel Tower look short.”
16. “Do you ever get tired of being everyone’s human GPS?”
17. “I bet you’ve never lost a game of hide and seek because you can see over everything.”
18. “If you were any taller, you’d need clearance from the FAA.”
19. “You’re the only person I know who doesn’t need a step ladder to change a light bulb.”
20. “You’re so tall, you probably have your own climate zone.”
21. “Do you get a discount on airplane tickets since you can practically touch the wing?”
22. “You’re so tall, you must have to buy two movie tickets just to fit in the seat.”
23. “If you were any taller, you’d be an attraction at the circus.”
24. “You’re the only person I know who can high-five a street lamp.”
25. “You’re so tall, you must be able to see the curvature of the Earth.”
26. “Standing next to you feels like I’m standing next to a redwood tree.”
27. “I bet you have to special order your pants from a skyscraper store.”
28. “Do you ever worry about low-flying birds?”
29. “You’re so tall, you probably have to kneel to get through doorways.”
30. “If you were any taller, you’d need your own satellite.”
Roasts to Say to Your Short Friends
Teasing a short friend can be a fun way to playfully highlight their height in a humorous way. Just make sure the roasts are light-hearted and taken in good spirits to keep the atmosphere friendly and fun.
1. “Do you need a booster seat to see the movie screen?”
2. “Do you need a ladder to reach the top shelf?”
3. “You’re proof that good things come in small packages.”
4. “I didn’t know they stacked people that short.”
5. “You must get a great view of everyone’s knees.”
6. “I’ve seen taller hobbits in Middle-earth.”
7. “If you were any shorter, you’d be a footnote.”
8. “You make garden gnomes look tall.”
9. “You must get tired of always looking up to everyone.”
10. “Do you get a discount at the kids’ section?”
11. “I bet you can fit in the overhead compartment.”
12. “You’re so short, you probably need a trampoline to get into bed.”
13. “You make Frodo look like a basketball player.”
14. “I didn’t know they made people travel-sized.”
15. “If you were any shorter, you’d be a penguin.”
16. “You must save a lot on fabric with those short pants.”
17. “You must get great legroom in any car.”
18. “I bet you never hit your head on door frames.”
19. “You’re so short, I could trip over you.”
20. “If you were any shorter, you’d be a speed bump.”
21. “I didn’t know they made fun-sized humans.”
22. “You’re so short, you can play hide and seek in a dollhouse.”
23. “Do you get mistaken for a child on a regular basis?”
24. “I bet you never have to worry about bumping your head.”
25. “You must get a great view from under the table.”
26. “You’re so short, you could use a stool for a chair.”
27. “You’re so short, you probably get mistaken for an armrest.”
28. “You make leprechauns look tall.”
29. “Do you use a magnifying glass to look up at people?”
30. “If you were any shorter, you’d be part of a LEGO set.”
Roasts to Say to Your Annoying Friends
Sometimes, even our closest friends can get on our nerves. When your annoying friends push your buttons, a clever roast can help lighten the mood and deliver a playful reminder to chill out.
1. “You’re like a cloud – when you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
2. “Your voice is like a broken fire alarm – impossible to ignore and equally irritating.”
3. “You must be a magician, because every time you speak, everyone’s mood vanishes.”
4. “You’re like glitter – once you’re around, it’s impossible to get rid of you.”
5. “Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?”
6. “If you were any more annoying, you’d be a ringtone.”
7. “You’re like a mosquito – tiny but incredibly annoying.”
8. “I’m not saying you’re annoying, but you do have a special talent for it.”
9. “Your only redeeming quality is that you’re easy to ignore.”
10. “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a Brussel sprout – everyone tolerates you, but no one really likes you.”
11. “If being annoying was an Olympic sport, you’d take the gold.”
12. “You have a great sense of humor – but only you get your jokes.”
13. “You’re like a black hole – everything is just better when you’re not around.”
14. “If I wanted to hear from an annoying person, I’d just talk to myself.”
15. “You’re living proof that silence is golden.”
16. “I’m not saying you’re annoying, but even your shadow leaves you at night.”
17. “You’re like a human alarm clock – nobody wants you, but you’re impossible to ignore.”
18. “I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one.”
19. “Is there an off button for you somewhere?”
20. “I’m not sure what’s worse, your jokes or your voice.”
21. “You’re like a TV show with bad reception – nobody can stand watching you for long.”
22. “If you were any more annoying, you’d be a telemarketer.”
23. “You must be the reason stress balls were invented.”
24. “You’re like a bad Wi-Fi connection – always cutting in and out.”
25. “You have the unique talent of making silence sound like the best thing ever.”
26. “If I wanted to listen to something annoying, I’d turn on static.”
27. “You should come with a mute button.”
28. “You’re the kind of person who brings a spoon to a knife fight – useless and annoying.”
