Understanding 5 Reasons Behind Appeasement Kisses of a Dog
If your dog has ever showered you with sudden licks during tense moments, you might be witnessing a unique form of canine communication. Often referred to as “appeasement kisses,” this behavior is a natural way dogs express submission, diffuse tension, or seek reassurance.
Unlike affectionate licking, appeasement kisses are tied to your dog’s instinct to maintain harmony within their social group. Understanding why your dog uses appeasement kisses can help you build a stronger, more trusting relationship. In this article, we’ll explore what this behavior means and how to respond in a way that supports your dog’s emotional well-being.
What Are Appeasement Kisses?
Appeasement kisses are a form of licking behavior that dogs use as part of their natural communication toolkit. While most people associate dog licking with affection or a playful gesture, appeasement kisses serve a different purpose. They are a way for dogs to convey submission, diffuse tension, or show that they mean no harm in a given situation.
The Purpose of Appeasement Kisses
Appeasement kisses are rooted in canine social behavior. In the wild, wolves and other pack animals use similar gestures to maintain harmony within the group. Licking another animal’s face or muzzle can signal submission, respect, or a desire to avoid conflict.
Domesticated dogs have retained this behavior as a way to communicate with humans and other dogs. When a dog offers appeasement kisses, they are essentially saying, “I’m not a threat” or “Please don’t be upset with me.”
Why They’re Called “Kisses”
Although they’re called “kisses,” the behavior isn’t always about affection. The term likely stems from the similarity to human kissing as a soothing or reassuring gesture. However, appeasement kisses are more about communication than love, signaling the dog’s intent to create peace or avoid confrontation.
How They Differ From Affectionate Licking
While appeasement kisses and affectionate licking can look similar, they are motivated by different emotions. Affectionate licking usually happens during relaxed, happy interactions, often accompanied by a wagging tail and playful body language.
Appeasement kisses, on the other hand, occur during moments of tension or when the dog feels unsure or submissive. Their body language may include lowered ears, tucked tail, or avoiding direct eye contact.
Why Do Dogs Give Appeasement Kisses?
Dogs give appeasement kisses as part of their natural way of communicating emotions and maintaining harmony within their social group. This instinctive behavior serves several purposes, ranging from signaling submission to alleviating stress. Let’s explore the primary reasons behind appeasement kisses in dogs.
1. Communication and Submission
One of the key reasons dogs give appeasement kisses is to communicate submission or a lack of threat. In the wild, pack animals like wolves use similar gestures, such as muzzle licking, to show deference to a more dominant member of the group. Domesticated dogs have retained this instinct and often use appeasement kisses to send a clear message: “I respect your authority” or “I mean no harm.”
For example:
- A dog may lick your hands or face after being scolded, as a way to diffuse tension.
- When meeting a new dog, a more submissive dog might lick the muzzle of the other dog to demonstrate submission.
This type of behavior is deeply ingrained in a dog’s social instincts and is a non-confrontational way of interacting with both humans and other animals.
2. Strengthening Social Bonds
Licking plays an essential role in building and maintaining social bonds among dogs. Appeasement kisses can help strengthen the relationship between a dog and its human or other dogs. By licking, the dog is not only signaling respect but also fostering a sense of connection and trust. It’s their way of saying, “I want to stay on good terms with you.”
In multi-dog households, you might notice one dog licking another to reduce tension or keep interactions friendly. Similarly, dogs often lick their humans as a way to maintain a positive relationship, even if they’re unsure of their actions or the situation.
3. Alleviating Anxiety or Stress
Licking, including appeasement kisses, has a self-soothing effect for dogs. The repetitive action of licking helps release endorphins, which can reduce anxiety and promote a sense of calm. Dogs may give appeasement kisses when they’re feeling stressed or uncertain about a situation, such as during grooming, vet visits, or thunderstorms.
For instance:
- A dog might lick you during a loud noise, like fireworks, as a way to self-soothe while seeking reassurance from you.
- If a dog feels cornered or insecure during an encounter with a more dominant dog, licking may serve as both a calming mechanism for themselves and a signal to the other dog that they’re not a threat.
4. Seeking Reassurance
Appeasement kisses are also a way for dogs to seek reassurance from their human companions. If your dog feels uneasy or senses a shift in your mood (e.g., if you’re upset or stressed), they may lick you to restore balance and receive comfort in return. Dogs are highly attuned to human emotions and often respond with behaviors meant to soothe both themselves and their owners.
For example:
- After sensing you’re upset or angry, your dog might offer appeasement kisses to gauge your reaction and gain your approval.
- During tense moments, such as a disagreement in the household, your dog may lick you to signal their desire for peace and reassurance.
5. Learned Behavior
In some cases, dogs give appeasement kisses because they’ve learned that it elicits a positive response. For instance, if you’ve consistently responded to licking with affection or treats, your dog may repeat the behavior to seek rewards. While this doesn’t make the behavior less genuine, it does add a layer of learned association to their natural instinct.
For example:
- If a dog licks you after doing something wrong and you respond by petting them or speaking gently, they may associate licking with resolving tension.
- Dogs that have been positively reinforced for licking in past interactions may use appeasement kisses more frequently to please their owners.
What to Do When Your Dog Gives Appeasement Kisses
1. Respond Calmly and Reassuringly
Appeasement kisses are often a sign that your dog is feeling uncertain or submissive, so it’s essential to react calmly and gently. Avoid sudden movements, loud voices, or frustration, as these can escalate their anxiety.
Instead, use a soft tone and offer light, soothing petting to reassure your dog that they are safe. Dogs take emotional cues from their owners, so your calm demeanor can help them relax and feel more secure.
2. Avoid Reinforcing Anxiety
While it’s important to acknowledge your dog’s behavior, overreacting with excessive affection or treats can unintentionally reinforce stress-driven appeasement. By keeping your response neutral yet supportive, you can provide comfort without encouraging anxiety-based behaviors.
This approach helps your dog learn to manage their emotions without relying solely on appeasement licking to gain reassurance.
3. Observe the Context
Pay attention to the situations where your dog gives appeasement kisses, as the triggers can reveal underlying stressors. Whether it’s after a scolding, meeting a new person, or encountering another dog, observing the context helps you identify what’s causing the behavior.
Watching for other body language cues, like tucked tails or lowered ears, can further clarify your dog’s emotional state and guide you in addressing the root cause.
4. Foster Positive Interactions
Building your dog’s confidence through positive reinforcement can help reduce the frequency of appeasement kisses.
Reward calm, confident behavior with praise or treats to encourage these responses. Incorporating activities your dog enjoys, like playtime or training sessions, can also create a sense of security and strengthen your bond, making them less reliant on submissive gestures like appeasement kisses.
5. Provide a Safe Environment
A stable and secure environment plays a significant role in reducing stress-related behaviors. Ensure your dog has a designated safe space where they can retreat during overwhelming situations, such as loud noises or household disruptions.
Maintaining a consistent routine and minimizing sudden changes can also help your dog feel more at ease, decreasing their need to use appeasement gestures as a coping mechanism.
6. Address Underlying Causes
If your dog frequently displays appeasement kisses, it may indicate deeper issues such as chronic anxiety, fear, or insecurity. Identifying and addressing these root causes is crucial for long-term improvement.
Evaluate potential triggers, like past negative experiences or inconsistent training, and consider seeking advice from a professional dog trainer or behaviorist to help your dog overcome these challenges. Tackling the underlying cause will lead to a more confident and relaxed pet.
